As therapists, we’ve all seen it. That client who struggles with hip or shoulder pain for YEARS. You know the one…they always want deeper pressure and more manual therapy…but the pain persists. Session after session, year after year. I’ve gotten to the point in my practice, where I have to start asking ‘isn’t there another way through’? Don’t get me wrong, I loooove a good fixer upper project (haha!), but I also truly want my clients to witness change in their bodies and feel like they are making meaningful progress towards their goals. Heck-I want that for myself as well!
A hard truth, that was suggested by a former work colleague/mentor at the supplement company I used to work for, was that I’d never find the ‘solution’ to my own body dysfunction without working through my mental/emotional ‘pain’. Well, damn. Does that mean it’s going to take more than showing up to my deep tissue massage therapist every few weeks to work on the kinks in my shoulders that just won’t ever let go? For sure. Was I excited to finally talk myself into psychotherapy (out of pocket of course)? Can’t say that I was thrilled…but I was willing to accept that I truly wanted to get out of chronic pain…by any means necessary. The thing was, I had tried all of the mostly enjoyable ways I knew: massage, acupuncture, dry needling, yoga, exercising…which were all fantastic and provided some direct relief…but never stuck around for very long before the nagging old issues came back…sometimes with a vengeance.
My chronic pain pattern was my lower back. What I would finally come to realize about this area for me, was how intertwined it was with my mental/emotional state. After I started becoming more aware, thanks to an amazing somatic based therapist here in Boulder, it was almost predictable when these ‘flare ups’ would pop up. Season changes were a good time, because it usually meant that my outdoor activities were changing and therefore putting more stress on certain areas of my body that weren’t used to it. Mix that with a little holiday pressure with family gatherings, busy work schedule, and social expectations. Then, add a big dash of some interpersonal stress from my relationship or family member or a friend…BOOM. Crippled by a lower back spasm. The theme that tied all these things together for me was-living up to expectations that others had of me-or the expectations I thought they had for me…or maybe the expectations that I set for myself. Is it inherently negative to set high expectations for yourself? Well, let's first differentiate between expectations vs goals vs plans. Goals provide targets and direction. They are extremely important and good for our health. Plans are slightly more detailed goals with variations. Where we invest a good amount of mental energy into developing an image, a mental structure that we aim to achieve. The main difference between the last two and expectations is ‘Attachment’. Attachment brings inflexibility. It reduces our perception of the present -which is now based on our past- and it provides a false picture of our future. For myself, there are so many things that play into this. Something that I've spoken with clients in Boulder about, is the comparison trap. This town can often breed competition, simply due to the large number of competitive athletes and former athletes that reside here. Anywhere you go, there is someone speeding past you on a trail run, or lapping you in the pool, or throwing heavier weight around in the box...it's hard to simply 'stay the course' with your own journey. It's so easy to let those comparing thoughts creep into our subconscious and then (sometimes unknowingly to us) begin to set a higher expectation for ourselves, that our bodies aren't ready to live up to, quite frankly. Another one is this comparison measure of success to our surrounding environment. This town is a bubble. What do I mean by that? Well, it's a town that's not quite filled with the 'average' person. This is a town of MANY above average people. People with winter and summer homes in different picturesque locations...people with disposable income...people with remote jobs, or very supportive trust funds. Again-what does comparing ourselves to these other standards of living truly do for US? It gives us an unrealistic expectation for ourselves of what 'success' looks like. This is an exercise in futility. Striving for something that isn't meant for you. This constant 'feeling less than' can take residence in our bodies...
Something that i've put a lot of thought into 'unwinding' in myself, is the idea of living up to other's expectations (which quickly become the expectations of myself as well). How do I keep finding myself, year after year, caught in these cycles of not feeling like I'm enough? Through a few 'head to head' battles in my romantic relationship, and then also digging really deep in numerous psychotherapy sessions with my mentor, what seems to keep surfacing for me is lacking trust in myself and speaking my truth. Of course it's easy to fall prey to the 'not enough-ness' when we, ourselves, don't even know what we truly want in our lives to feel successful and content. This has been so difficult for me to wrap my head around, as a very dynamic person with many different interests and passion for growth. In Sanskrit, the solar plexus chakra is called Manipura which means 'Lustrous Gem'. It is at the center point of your body, right above the belly button. The symbolic meaning of Manipura signifies your will power and individual identity. The color associates with this chakra is yellow. The bright yellow color stands for the energy you hold for your personal and professional growth. WOW-right? Coincidental that it is on the front side of the body from where my back was having problems all these years...maybe...maybe not? What I do know, is that working on gaining clarity for who I truly want to be in the world and how I want my professional life to look in the future, has been the key to getting out of my chronic low back pain/tension. It took a really really long time to get there...and there were other factors associated with this growth as well. Another more tangible thing that has helped me a lot is strength training. I worked with my partner one-on-one in his personal training business for a few months. During this time, he showed me how to feel more confident with the strength that I had put in the work to build...confidence is another key part of the Solar Plexus chakra. He showed me proper hinging technique, so that I could deadlift with confidence and grace-something that has terrified me for years since my lower back issues. I remember countless deadlift sessions where he would stop me (as I'm almost in tears from my fear of not being strong enough) and would look me in the eye and say 'What's wrong? You are strong enough to lift this. You can do this.' Until, I could dig myself out of my emotional hole and self-pity party and lift the damn bar.
The overall theme between the two (personal training and psychotherapy), was that it took a lot of vulnerability and showing up to do the work. Without that commitment, I never could have made it. Now you all are probably wondering...ok-but what about the throat chakra? The speaking your truth, and the neck!? Well, that's another story for another time...in which I'm very much looking forward to sharing soon. I hope to see you in the Wonderland Hill sanctuary soon, my dears! Keep crushing out there, until then.
Love,
Kim.
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